So today I decided enough was enough. This was me, hair too long and in need of washing...again.
So I hacked it all off cute and bouncy.
And dyed it fire engine red (which didn't stay that red when I rinsed it. Oh well.)
Things feel right again. :)
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Like looking through a fogged mirror
So I hacked it all off cute and bouncy.And dyed it fire engine red (which didn't stay that red when I rinsed it. Oh well.)Things feel right again. :)
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
You mean everything to nothing
Briefly:
-My appointment with the autoimmune specialist is scheduled for the morning of December 31st. Welcome to 2010, I guess.
-I got to hold a South African (a.k.a. jackass) penguin named Simon, or rather he sat in my lap, yesterday morning at the Aviary. I'll share my blurry pictures, cell phone videos, and inane squees once I figure out where my Blackberry cord disappeared to.
-I've been sewing Christmas presents. I'm getting better.
-Learned how to use an autoclave today and cultured chytrid. Hot stuff.
And with that, I'm off to further indulge my nerdiness with another episode of Primeval before bed.
-My appointment with the autoimmune specialist is scheduled for the morning of December 31st. Welcome to 2010, I guess.
-I got to hold a South African (a.k.a. jackass) penguin named Simon, or rather he sat in my lap, yesterday morning at the Aviary. I'll share my blurry pictures, cell phone videos, and inane squees once I figure out where my Blackberry cord disappeared to.
-I've been sewing Christmas presents. I'm getting better.
-Learned how to use an autoclave today and cultured chytrid. Hot stuff.
And with that, I'm off to further indulge my nerdiness with another episode of Primeval before bed.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
For those lives that tear at the seams
Can we talk about how amazing Alice was? (And while we're at it, how delicious Andrew Lee Potts is...) Loved it. Loved the nerdy sci-fi spin. Loved the Wonderland design. Loved the Hatter/Alice relationship.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
How can I explain my wounded feet?
Three doctors appointments this week: one for the cervical biopsy (again), one chiropractor visit, and one follow-up with Dr. Gold. Biopsy was painful and totally routine. My spine is feeling better for the most part, but the hiccups haven't gone away. And the follow-up:
Dr. Gold thinks MS seems like a realistic diagnosis too, so she gave me a referral to go see an autoimmune specialist. So let me take a big step and say it like it is, rather than beating about with abbreviations. Multiple sclerosis. Hopefully I can get in for an official diagnosis before I fly home for Christmas so I can stop fretting over it. Truthfully though, I am oddly relieved; I think it's because this is the first real validation I've had that my symptoms aren't just in my head...I'm not just crazy, and someone else thinks something might be wrong too.
So this is what my days are like physically:
On a good day I've had enough sleep and that reduces the intensity of everything. At my best, my arms and legs are a little numb and occasionally I get the equivalent of shin splints (uncomfortable muscle cramps, in case you've never had them) in various parts of my limbs, and I might get some mild vertigo during the day. On days like this though, I have a terrible time falling asleep because just as I'm getting relaxed and starting to fade out, my legs get restless and twitch me awake. For hours.
Really bad days are usually the ones where I didn't get enough sleep the night before. On these days I get nystagmus pretty frequently, especially when I try to focus on anything for long periods of time. I get vertigo so severe that I feel like I might fall out of my chair or pass out. On these days I have trouble writing because my arms are so numb that I have a hard time holding my pen. It's also hard to open containers and button my jeans and I type at half the speed I usually do. The muscle "splints" happen more frequently and in more muscles at once. It's hard to climb stairs or walk very far because my legs get really heavy and awkward, and from time to time the bottoms of my feet will burn (think pins and needles from your leg being asleep, except it feels like fire instead). The 5 minute walk from the bus stop takes me about 15 and I'm almost guaranteed to trip either during the walk or climbing the stairs up to the building door at my apartment. If I'm lucky on a bad day I won't run into a wall as I turn the corner, or a door knob, or the kitchen counter. When I get into bed I don't usually notice the restless legs because I'm so exhausted I basically pass out.
The sensation of burning in my feet has started happening in my right arm too, even on better days; it starts at my finger tips and crawls to my elbow or higher within 10 minutes and then lasts for up to 2 days. You know that feeling you get when you've had just enough to drink to be a little drunk and your limbs start to go a little fuzzy and numb? That's what my arms and legs feel like pretty much all the time, and then you add a pins-and-burning sensation to it from time to time. It's a trip.
Most days are somewhere in between the really good and really bad, and this week I've had the whole spectrum. But the common denominator of good or bad days is constant fatigue. Normally I think there are multiple "pools" from which we get energy: you have a mental pool that empties when you just can't think/write/study/read/etc. anymore, and a physical pool that empties when you're just physically tired. These days I get the same pool for mental and physical exertion, so when I'm physically tired I can't concentrate and if I work too hard during the day at the lab I get physically tired too. I can go into the lab feeling well rested and functional, read/write/think for 8 hours, and then I literally won't have the energy to do the dishes or put my laundry away when I get home. Or if I go work out, or walk to the grocery store and back I won't be able to focus on reading papers unless I've had a nap. On top of that, if I overexerted myself the day before, I usually feel the effects still the next day even if I had a full night's rest. I've taken to leaving campus early, napping around dinner time, and then working for a few more hours before bed and that seems to help some.
I have some cognitive symptoms too, but I think those will have to wait for another post. My intent isn't to complain; in fact I try very hard not to let it show on days when I'm falling apart at the seams physically. Instead, my intention is to put my experience out there. When I first started worrying about this it helped me to read other people's experiences, so I want to make mine available in case someone else comes looking for symptoms that are a little atypical. But tonight I have to compile a group paper that's due for core course tomorrow and I'm wearing out.
Dr. Gold thinks MS seems like a realistic diagnosis too, so she gave me a referral to go see an autoimmune specialist. So let me take a big step and say it like it is, rather than beating about with abbreviations. Multiple sclerosis. Hopefully I can get in for an official diagnosis before I fly home for Christmas so I can stop fretting over it. Truthfully though, I am oddly relieved; I think it's because this is the first real validation I've had that my symptoms aren't just in my head...I'm not just crazy, and someone else thinks something might be wrong too.
So this is what my days are like physically:
On a good day I've had enough sleep and that reduces the intensity of everything. At my best, my arms and legs are a little numb and occasionally I get the equivalent of shin splints (uncomfortable muscle cramps, in case you've never had them) in various parts of my limbs, and I might get some mild vertigo during the day. On days like this though, I have a terrible time falling asleep because just as I'm getting relaxed and starting to fade out, my legs get restless and twitch me awake. For hours.
Really bad days are usually the ones where I didn't get enough sleep the night before. On these days I get nystagmus pretty frequently, especially when I try to focus on anything for long periods of time. I get vertigo so severe that I feel like I might fall out of my chair or pass out. On these days I have trouble writing because my arms are so numb that I have a hard time holding my pen. It's also hard to open containers and button my jeans and I type at half the speed I usually do. The muscle "splints" happen more frequently and in more muscles at once. It's hard to climb stairs or walk very far because my legs get really heavy and awkward, and from time to time the bottoms of my feet will burn (think pins and needles from your leg being asleep, except it feels like fire instead). The 5 minute walk from the bus stop takes me about 15 and I'm almost guaranteed to trip either during the walk or climbing the stairs up to the building door at my apartment. If I'm lucky on a bad day I won't run into a wall as I turn the corner, or a door knob, or the kitchen counter. When I get into bed I don't usually notice the restless legs because I'm so exhausted I basically pass out.
The sensation of burning in my feet has started happening in my right arm too, even on better days; it starts at my finger tips and crawls to my elbow or higher within 10 minutes and then lasts for up to 2 days. You know that feeling you get when you've had just enough to drink to be a little drunk and your limbs start to go a little fuzzy and numb? That's what my arms and legs feel like pretty much all the time, and then you add a pins-and-burning sensation to it from time to time. It's a trip.
Most days are somewhere in between the really good and really bad, and this week I've had the whole spectrum. But the common denominator of good or bad days is constant fatigue. Normally I think there are multiple "pools" from which we get energy: you have a mental pool that empties when you just can't think/write/study/read/etc. anymore, and a physical pool that empties when you're just physically tired. These days I get the same pool for mental and physical exertion, so when I'm physically tired I can't concentrate and if I work too hard during the day at the lab I get physically tired too. I can go into the lab feeling well rested and functional, read/write/think for 8 hours, and then I literally won't have the energy to do the dishes or put my laundry away when I get home. Or if I go work out, or walk to the grocery store and back I won't be able to focus on reading papers unless I've had a nap. On top of that, if I overexerted myself the day before, I usually feel the effects still the next day even if I had a full night's rest. I've taken to leaving campus early, napping around dinner time, and then working for a few more hours before bed and that seems to help some.
I have some cognitive symptoms too, but I think those will have to wait for another post. My intent isn't to complain; in fact I try very hard not to let it show on days when I'm falling apart at the seams physically. Instead, my intention is to put my experience out there. When I first started worrying about this it helped me to read other people's experiences, so I want to make mine available in case someone else comes looking for symptoms that are a little atypical. But tonight I have to compile a group paper that's due for core course tomorrow and I'm wearing out.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Little bird, little bird, little bird, what do you see?
Devinpanda and I went to the aviary today, so it's time for an absurd number of pictures. I was like the bird whisperer today! They came so close to me today and posed for pictures. :D The ones he took have a little (D) after them.
Ocellated Turkey (Meleagris ocellata)
Green-Winged Macaw (Ara chloroptera)
Steller's Sea Eagle (Haliaeetus pelagicus)
(D)
Chukar Partridge (Alectoris chukar)
Nicobar Pigeon (Caloenas nicobarica)
Fairy Bluebird (Irena puella)
(D)
Inca Tern (Lorosterna inca)
Blue-billed Heron (Cochlearius cochlearius)
(D)
Blue-faced Honeyeater (Entomyzon cyanotis)
Common Grackle (Quiscalus quiscula)
Roseate Spoonbill (Ajaia ajaja)
Scarlet Ibis (Eudocimus ruber)
American Flamingo (Phoeniconais ruber ruber)
Crested Oropendola (Psarocolius decumanus) 
Hamerkop (Scopus umbretta)
(D)
Blue-bellied Roller (Coracias cyanogaster)
Taveta Golden Weaver (Ploceus castaneiceps) (D)
Taveta Golden Weavers and male Amethyst Starling (Cinnyricinclus leucogaster)
(?) Purple-crested Turaco (Tauraco porphyreolophus)
Golden-Breasted Starling (Cosmopsarus regius)
White-headed wattled Lapwing (Vanellus albiceps)
One of my favorite little birds at the aviary. :)
African Penguin (Spheniscus demersus)
(D)
(D)
Guira Cuckoo (Guira guira)
(D)
White-eared catbird (Ailuroedus buccoides)(D)
Cape Thick-knee (Burhinus capensis)(D)
(D)
Rhinoceros Hornbill (Buceros rhinoceros)(D)
Micronesian Kingfisher (Halcyon cinnamomina cinnamomina)(D)
Ocellated Turkey (Meleagris ocellata)
Green-Winged Macaw (Ara chloroptera)
Steller's Sea Eagle (Haliaeetus pelagicus)
(D)
Chukar Partridge (Alectoris chukar)
Nicobar Pigeon (Caloenas nicobarica)
Fairy Bluebird (Irena puella)
(D)
Inca Tern (Lorosterna inca)
Blue-billed Heron (Cochlearius cochlearius)
(D)
Blue-faced Honeyeater (Entomyzon cyanotis)
Common Grackle (Quiscalus quiscula)
Roseate Spoonbill (Ajaia ajaja)
Scarlet Ibis (Eudocimus ruber)
American Flamingo (Phoeniconais ruber ruber)
Crested Oropendola (Psarocolius decumanus) 
Hamerkop (Scopus umbretta)
(D)
Blue-bellied Roller (Coracias cyanogaster)
Taveta Golden Weaver (Ploceus castaneiceps) (D)
Taveta Golden Weavers and male Amethyst Starling (Cinnyricinclus leucogaster)
(?) Purple-crested Turaco (Tauraco porphyreolophus)
Golden-Breasted Starling (Cosmopsarus regius)
White-headed wattled Lapwing (Vanellus albiceps)One of my favorite little birds at the aviary. :)
African Penguin (Spheniscus demersus)
(D)
(D)
Guira Cuckoo (Guira guira)
(D)
White-eared catbird (Ailuroedus buccoides)(D)
Cape Thick-knee (Burhinus capensis)(D)
(D)
Rhinoceros Hornbill (Buceros rhinoceros)(D)
Micronesian Kingfisher (Halcyon cinnamomina cinnamomina)(D)
Sunday, November 22, 2009
I'll take my chances on truck stops and state lines.
I have done pretty much nothing but study for my Walt's final and write my conservation biology final paper for the last 3 days, except for a few random 10 minute breaks to take care of crops on FarmVille. My ecology core course has 3 modules: the first was the grant writing I was working on at the beginning of the semester, the current module is Walt's community ecology section, and the last will be Brian's molecular ecology (I think) portion. Walt's final is going to be hard, and I have no idea what to study so I'm studying everything... Conservation Biology on the other hand was considerably easier, just ridiculously time consuming. It's a seminar course, so we discuss papers every week, and our final paper is a 10 page review of some topic we didn't cover in class discussions. I chose to write a paper on the efficacy of using historic benchmarks in restoration ecology and ecosystem management conservation.
What all this means is that it's a perfect time to talk about ecology and conservation in the real world and not study for a moment. Oooh boy. (Disclaimer: I make no promises regarding the coherency of this ramble.)
I think I finally understand people's "what's the point" reaction to my field of choice. After a semester of reading about all the things that apparently don't work in conservation biology, and 6 weeks reading about how just about every community is different and there are only vague patterns among them all, I'm about ready to throw up my hands. Seriously, why should we care? If land use patterns and anthropogenic impacts make every site respond differently, how on earth can we generalize about patterns of forest recovery and conservation strategies for imperiled species? All this work leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth about conservation specifically, and ecology in general.
It seems to me that we would be better off as ecologists (or conservationists) if we stopped worrying about how our ecosystems should look and start focusing on how they actually look. Humans have shaped the world we live in and will obviously continue to, so rather than getting hung up on making things look the way they would without people, we could get so much more done if we accepted that humans make an impact and work from there. But this opens a whole new can of worms on the role of ecologists in the "real world."
Most of us who look at anthropogenic impacts, my lab included, simply do the research, publish it in our journals, and call it a day. (My lab also makes press releases in order to get the results out to the non-science community; however this is not the norm in ecology.) And we're shocked when conservationists apparently ignore important research or farmers continue using pesticides that destroy the environment. We already fill many roles as ecologists (which is fodder for another blog if I work up the interest or study meltdown to write on it), so just how much can we be expected to take on? Should we be actively letting the lay public in on our research and acting as liaisons to conservationists so they understand the impact of our work? Or does this bias our science with a motive?
I'm not sure of the answer to these questions. I think it is possible to do good science with a conservation ethic in mind, without actually having an agenda. However, it is hard to say whether being an activist about your results calls your work into question. If you do research on frogs because you want to know why they are in decline, and you find out that it's partially due to pesticides, that is simply good science with a conservation ethic. But if you then take those results and say 'hey, pesticides are killing our frogs and we should stop using them the way we do.' is your good science then pushing an agenda? Does it make your results any less relevant if you actually put them out there so they make a difference? And at the same time, if you don't put them out there, if they aren't making a difference, what's the point in having a conservation ethic at all? Egads, it's all so complicated.
I guess it's a good thing for my sanity that I changed my research to something more organismal. Mating and parasite dynamics are much more relevant to my interests and more removed from the drama of advocacy in ecology.
I've run out of steam. I have more to say, about things like sustainable agriculture and being an advocate for the work you do, but my brain hurts and I have a lot more to do today still. So my last nerdy comment is on legacy effects. When the history of a place influences the present or future state of said place, even if that history is no longer visible or present, that is a legacy effect. In ecology these are typically referred to in relation to human land-use or other anthropogenic inputs in a system. I was thinking about legacy effects while searching for cold medicine last night: there is no NyQuil or Vicoden left in my medicine cabinet due to a particular person's influence on my apartment, and that is an irritating legacy effect which costs me sanity, tissues, sniffle-free sleep, and money in the present.
I'm slowly coming out of a head cold after 4 days of a foggy head and runny nose. Going to the chiropractor has done wonders for my alignment and joint pains. Unfortunately the visits have not eliminated the hiccups or the other body pains. Dr. Miller annoys the hell out of me, even if he does wonders for my spine, so I hope Tuesday will be my last visit for a while in spite of said hiccups still hanging around. I get my colposcopy on December 1st, and I will hopefully get in to see Dr. Gold again around the same time to see what she thinks about the possibility of MS.
Since I can't afford to go home twice this season, I will officially be having Thanksgiving away from home for the first time in my life. No turkey day with the Friedl's and my family...it will be very weird. It's probably for the best seeing as Mama Friedl just started her radiation and isn't feeling to well. Devinpanda's family invited me over, so I'll be enjoying dinner with them instead.
Not much else to tell. My experiment ends on Thursday, with another to follow in the next few weeks. And on Tuesday I'm learning how to use the imaging system so I can collect my morphology data and start plugging away at my department presentation, an ESA presentation abstract, and general publication writing. Wow.
What all this means is that it's a perfect time to talk about ecology and conservation in the real world and not study for a moment. Oooh boy. (Disclaimer: I make no promises regarding the coherency of this ramble.)
I think I finally understand people's "what's the point" reaction to my field of choice. After a semester of reading about all the things that apparently don't work in conservation biology, and 6 weeks reading about how just about every community is different and there are only vague patterns among them all, I'm about ready to throw up my hands. Seriously, why should we care? If land use patterns and anthropogenic impacts make every site respond differently, how on earth can we generalize about patterns of forest recovery and conservation strategies for imperiled species? All this work leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth about conservation specifically, and ecology in general.
It seems to me that we would be better off as ecologists (or conservationists) if we stopped worrying about how our ecosystems should look and start focusing on how they actually look. Humans have shaped the world we live in and will obviously continue to, so rather than getting hung up on making things look the way they would without people, we could get so much more done if we accepted that humans make an impact and work from there. But this opens a whole new can of worms on the role of ecologists in the "real world."
Most of us who look at anthropogenic impacts, my lab included, simply do the research, publish it in our journals, and call it a day. (My lab also makes press releases in order to get the results out to the non-science community; however this is not the norm in ecology.) And we're shocked when conservationists apparently ignore important research or farmers continue using pesticides that destroy the environment. We already fill many roles as ecologists (which is fodder for another blog if I work up the interest or study meltdown to write on it), so just how much can we be expected to take on? Should we be actively letting the lay public in on our research and acting as liaisons to conservationists so they understand the impact of our work? Or does this bias our science with a motive?
I'm not sure of the answer to these questions. I think it is possible to do good science with a conservation ethic in mind, without actually having an agenda. However, it is hard to say whether being an activist about your results calls your work into question. If you do research on frogs because you want to know why they are in decline, and you find out that it's partially due to pesticides, that is simply good science with a conservation ethic. But if you then take those results and say 'hey, pesticides are killing our frogs and we should stop using them the way we do.' is your good science then pushing an agenda? Does it make your results any less relevant if you actually put them out there so they make a difference? And at the same time, if you don't put them out there, if they aren't making a difference, what's the point in having a conservation ethic at all? Egads, it's all so complicated.
I guess it's a good thing for my sanity that I changed my research to something more organismal. Mating and parasite dynamics are much more relevant to my interests and more removed from the drama of advocacy in ecology.
I've run out of steam. I have more to say, about things like sustainable agriculture and being an advocate for the work you do, but my brain hurts and I have a lot more to do today still. So my last nerdy comment is on legacy effects. When the history of a place influences the present or future state of said place, even if that history is no longer visible or present, that is a legacy effect. In ecology these are typically referred to in relation to human land-use or other anthropogenic inputs in a system. I was thinking about legacy effects while searching for cold medicine last night: there is no NyQuil or Vicoden left in my medicine cabinet due to a particular person's influence on my apartment, and that is an irritating legacy effect which costs me sanity, tissues, sniffle-free sleep, and money in the present.
I'm slowly coming out of a head cold after 4 days of a foggy head and runny nose. Going to the chiropractor has done wonders for my alignment and joint pains. Unfortunately the visits have not eliminated the hiccups or the other body pains. Dr. Miller annoys the hell out of me, even if he does wonders for my spine, so I hope Tuesday will be my last visit for a while in spite of said hiccups still hanging around. I get my colposcopy on December 1st, and I will hopefully get in to see Dr. Gold again around the same time to see what she thinks about the possibility of MS.
Since I can't afford to go home twice this season, I will officially be having Thanksgiving away from home for the first time in my life. No turkey day with the Friedl's and my family...it will be very weird. It's probably for the best seeing as Mama Friedl just started her radiation and isn't feeling to well. Devinpanda's family invited me over, so I'll be enjoying dinner with them instead.
Not much else to tell. My experiment ends on Thursday, with another to follow in the next few weeks. And on Tuesday I'm learning how to use the imaging system so I can collect my morphology data and start plugging away at my department presentation, an ESA presentation abstract, and general publication writing. Wow.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Welcome to the new deja vu
Wow, once upon a week-ish ago I promised to blog about something interesting, involving real thought and concrete ideas. Guess what you aren't going to read again today. It seems I've been playing catch-up in the post-NSF glory, but as it turns out, it's just bad timing. All of my major projects (two 10+ page papers and leading 2 discussions) are due between now and Thanksgiving, and it's lab practical week in Vert Morph, which means extra hours for me what with the creating, setting up, and grading for my two lab sections. Whew, busy Heather. Plus I have an experiment running, which isn't a terribly large time commitment, but trying to figure out why all my animals are dying (again) is.
In the meantime, I am reminded of the A.D.I.D.A.S. acronym. Too bad it's not sex or sports I'm dreaming of: all day I dream about (m.)s. If it's not nightmares about being late to run my practical I'm dreaming of symptoms. Of tripping and hurting myself badly. Of losing my feet beneath me in 4" heels (this is actually a legit concern lately). Of being in a wheelchair. Of being incapable of continuing in ecology. Of being unable to take care of simple tasks myself. Of having to give myself injections...with needles...everyday... *shudder* Most of the nightmares are actually things of sleep, but my days are filled with distracting thoughts too, just far less frightened. My backtrack through blog history (or medical maladies, whichever you prefer) was enlightening, to the point that I think I will truly be shocked if I'm wrong, and somehow this has been comforting. Deep down, it's obvious I'm freaking out though, even if I feel more relaxed about the potential diagnosis. Reading blogs from folks actually diagnosed and dealing has been of great help too, both in calming my anxiety and in solidifying my certainty that I'm not crazy and there is something going on. (I promise to stop being a creeper and introduce myself one of these days to the bloggers I've begun to follow...sorry I've been too internet-socially-awkward and busy busy to do so already.)
Went to see Dr. Quinn today about my pap smear result. In a completely unsurprising twist, it came back abnormal (excuse me, atypical) for the second year in a row, and positive for some high risk HPV group. Cool. Now I get to go in for a colposcopy in about two weeks. I just love having someone punch me in the cervix with liquid nitrogen...
Well, this was much more complaint-centric than I had initially intended. Good things, good things...Oh yeah! Anberlin, Taking Back Sunday, and All American Rejects concert on Friday with Devin-panda. Also, I made an appointment with the chiropractor for Thursday morning, which is awesome. Time to finish reading papers for class tomorrow and maybe pick up some of my apartment. After all, Glee starts back up tomorrow and I don't want Bubba-Hua coming over to the pigsty that is my apartment. Eeep. The whole Glee thing is pretty great too. :D
In the meantime, I am reminded of the A.D.I.D.A.S. acronym. Too bad it's not sex or sports I'm dreaming of: all day I dream about (m.)s. If it's not nightmares about being late to run my practical I'm dreaming of symptoms. Of tripping and hurting myself badly. Of losing my feet beneath me in 4" heels (this is actually a legit concern lately). Of being in a wheelchair. Of being incapable of continuing in ecology. Of being unable to take care of simple tasks myself. Of having to give myself injections...with needles...everyday... *shudder* Most of the nightmares are actually things of sleep, but my days are filled with distracting thoughts too, just far less frightened. My backtrack through blog history (or medical maladies, whichever you prefer) was enlightening, to the point that I think I will truly be shocked if I'm wrong, and somehow this has been comforting. Deep down, it's obvious I'm freaking out though, even if I feel more relaxed about the potential diagnosis. Reading blogs from folks actually diagnosed and dealing has been of great help too, both in calming my anxiety and in solidifying my certainty that I'm not crazy and there is something going on. (I promise to stop being a creeper and introduce myself one of these days to the bloggers I've begun to follow...sorry I've been too internet-socially-awkward and busy busy to do so already.)
Went to see Dr. Quinn today about my pap smear result. In a completely unsurprising twist, it came back abnormal (excuse me, atypical) for the second year in a row, and positive for some high risk HPV group. Cool. Now I get to go in for a colposcopy in about two weeks. I just love having someone punch me in the cervix with liquid nitrogen...
Well, this was much more complaint-centric than I had initially intended. Good things, good things...Oh yeah! Anberlin, Taking Back Sunday, and All American Rejects concert on Friday with Devin-panda. Also, I made an appointment with the chiropractor for Thursday morning, which is awesome. Time to finish reading papers for class tomorrow and maybe pick up some of my apartment. After all, Glee starts back up tomorrow and I don't want Bubba-Hua coming over to the pigsty that is my apartment. Eeep. The whole Glee thing is pretty great too. :D
Thursday, November 5, 2009
There's no quiet on this earth
My post-NSF proposal blog is coming tomorrow or Saturday depending on how much Lauren and I drink tomorrow night in celebration.
Right now though, I'm dealing with this looming potential health problem and it has me seriously concerned. (The lupus test came back negative, as expected.) Mom sent me a MayoClinic link to symptoms of a disease which I never even considered. It's one of the "big 3" that I think of along with MD and cerebral palsy, the sort that when you have it you're permanently debilitated and you know right away what you have. As it turns out, my perception of it was totally wrong! Apparently that's not how this thing works, and around 2/3 of folks diagnosed are still mostly to fully functional. Apparently it comes in waves. Discrete attacks that seem to come and go for most people. I've been reading stories about people who went for years without symptoms, only to find out after 15 years of the occasional inexplicable issues that eventually went away (and were "probably in their head") that there was an explanation all along.
I am distracted and I am distraught. Suddenly all the weird things my body does aren't just idiosyncratic, they are symptomatic. Literally! Things I never thought to worry about are actually meaningful if this is what I am afraid it is. Anxiety like this will eat me away, so I've decided to be proactive and constructive. After polishing off a bottle of wine over dinner, Lauren went with me to Borders to buy a new journal so I can anal-retentively track my symptoms. Additionally, I'm putting together a retroactive time-line of my past "weird" ailments. Thank god I'm such a nutjob that I blog about these things every time they strike. Methinks this will be my last rant about my health until something helpful comes along, that being either another "attack" or a diagnosis.
Right now though, I'm dealing with this looming potential health problem and it has me seriously concerned. (The lupus test came back negative, as expected.) Mom sent me a MayoClinic link to symptoms of a disease which I never even considered. It's one of the "big 3" that I think of along with MD and cerebral palsy, the sort that when you have it you're permanently debilitated and you know right away what you have. As it turns out, my perception of it was totally wrong! Apparently that's not how this thing works, and around 2/3 of folks diagnosed are still mostly to fully functional. Apparently it comes in waves. Discrete attacks that seem to come and go for most people. I've been reading stories about people who went for years without symptoms, only to find out after 15 years of the occasional inexplicable issues that eventually went away (and were "probably in their head") that there was an explanation all along.
I am distracted and I am distraught. Suddenly all the weird things my body does aren't just idiosyncratic, they are symptomatic. Literally! Things I never thought to worry about are actually meaningful if this is what I am afraid it is. Anxiety like this will eat me away, so I've decided to be proactive and constructive. After polishing off a bottle of wine over dinner, Lauren went with me to Borders to buy a new journal so I can anal-retentively track my symptoms. Additionally, I'm putting together a retroactive time-line of my past "weird" ailments. Thank god I'm such a nutjob that I blog about these things every time they strike. Methinks this will be my last rant about my health until something helpful comes along, that being either another "attack" or a diagnosis.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I'll be okay just in a different way
Blood work came back, and the word is that I have no thyroid problems, no generalized inflammatory response, normal red and white blood cell counts, no rheumatoid arthritis, and she thinks the lupus should come back negative too given these results. This is neutral news! On the plus side, I have no degenerative arthritis or autoimmune disease, no hormone issues, and no infections. Down side says that I'm still in pain with no good explanation. My fever is gone now but my pain is at fever-level still and persistent. Plus I have constant ringing in the ears, the occasional sharp ring that deafens me in one ear and gives me vertigo, and muscle weakness if I exert myself for any length of time. This escalation is troubling to me, especially since I still have no answers. The lupus test is due back tomorrow, and when it is negative I will be canceling the followup in favor of scheduling an appointment with the chiropractor in hopes that a spine re-alignment will help some of my discomfort (and maybe the hiccups). Also, continuing the symptom monitoring and visiting with Dr. Gold again later if the symptoms are not improved. At this point I would like to stop two things: 1) being in pain, and 2) bitching about my health. :|
Other sad news is that mama Friedl's lymph nodes did in fact have cancer in them after all, though only stage 1 fortunately. It's one thing after another lately.
Better news by Friday when my NSF proposal is turned in, hopefully. Things I promise to blog about in the aftermath of that submission: ethics, changing perspectives, and ecologists.
Other sad news is that mama Friedl's lymph nodes did in fact have cancer in them after all, though only stage 1 fortunately. It's one thing after another lately.
Better news by Friday when my NSF proposal is turned in, hopefully. Things I promise to blog about in the aftermath of that submission: ethics, changing perspectives, and ecologists.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
If you could see me now
So I spiked a low fever on Tuesday night which has been coming and going since then. Said fever made all my joint pain and stabby pains increase noticeably and quite painfully, so I went to the health center. The very competent doctor ruled out fibromyalgia, a strep infection, and mono in the interview, so she is now running a full blood panel and sedimentation rate test, plus tests for...get ready for it...
lupus and rheumatoid arthritis.
...
Shit son.
Follow-up appointment next week, and I hopefully won't hear something awful before then as my blood work comes back.
(As a side note, I had 5 vials of blood drawn and I did not cry a single tear! :3 How far I have come...)
The lovely doctor also gave me a referral to a chiropractor. Thank goodness! I can finally get my back aligned. Word is chiropractic realignment has been known to clear up hiccups for some folks too. Fingers crossed and all that.
In better news. Mama Friedl had her surgery today and the doctors say the breast cancer did not spread to her lymph nodes. That is great. :)
lupus and rheumatoid arthritis.
...
Shit son.
Follow-up appointment next week, and I hopefully won't hear something awful before then as my blood work comes back.
(As a side note, I had 5 vials of blood drawn and I did not cry a single tear! :3 How far I have come...)
The lovely doctor also gave me a referral to a chiropractor. Thank goodness! I can finally get my back aligned. Word is chiropractic realignment has been known to clear up hiccups for some folks too. Fingers crossed and all that.
In better news. Mama Friedl had her surgery today and the doctors say the breast cancer did not spread to her lymph nodes. That is great. :)
Monday, October 26, 2009
Let me reintroduce myself as a man with a cause
I have a head cold, per usual for this time of year. Also per usual, I think I need to see a doctor about some irritating symptoms I probably won't end up following up on. Mom sent me a WebMD link after I was complaining about some of my odd tiredness and aches; apparently my body is doing things that look like physical depression. It's weird because I don't feel depressed. After thinking about it some, I suppose my anxiety and stress about the NSF proposal could be doing it. Realistically, I'm tackling this huge personal obstacle in reattempting what I saw as such a big failure, and I suppose that could cause a "depression" of sorts even if don't feel that emotionally low.
In terms of odd symptoms though, as usual, I think I actually am suffering from something but I don't know what. It's not that I'm a hypochondriac, though it might seem that way judging by this blog. The issue is that I have a suite of inexplicable symptoms that I don't think are normal. For example, on a daily basis I experience some sort of pain, which I'm pretty sure the general populous does not. These days I think it's vascular...ish. It's not my muscles and it's not my joints specifically. Rather, it's a throbbing pain which sort of radiates from points all over my body. Today it felt like my kidney area, my shoulders, and the back of my legs. Yesterday it was my arms, ribs, and fingertips. Same pain...weird places. My difficulty describing it has sort of hindered me from wasting time at the doctor's office, but the kidney area pain was pretty awful this evening.
In positive news, my personal statement and previous research essays are pretty awesome. Rick gave me really excellent feedback, and I think I'm about a draft and a half away from being in submission shape on those. Now the research proposal...that's a different story. It's a hot mess. But I am so excited about this new direction, and so are other people outside of my lab! Big steps. :D
And last but not least, to leave on a less bitch-worthy note, a new song other than the one playing on the blog. Love it:
In terms of odd symptoms though, as usual, I think I actually am suffering from something but I don't know what. It's not that I'm a hypochondriac, though it might seem that way judging by this blog. The issue is that I have a suite of inexplicable symptoms that I don't think are normal. For example, on a daily basis I experience some sort of pain, which I'm pretty sure the general populous does not. These days I think it's vascular...ish. It's not my muscles and it's not my joints specifically. Rather, it's a throbbing pain which sort of radiates from points all over my body. Today it felt like my kidney area, my shoulders, and the back of my legs. Yesterday it was my arms, ribs, and fingertips. Same pain...weird places. My difficulty describing it has sort of hindered me from wasting time at the doctor's office, but the kidney area pain was pretty awful this evening.
In positive news, my personal statement and previous research essays are pretty awesome. Rick gave me really excellent feedback, and I think I'm about a draft and a half away from being in submission shape on those. Now the research proposal...that's a different story. It's a hot mess. But I am so excited about this new direction, and so are other people outside of my lab! Big steps. :D
And last but not least, to leave on a less bitch-worthy note, a new song other than the one playing on the blog. Love it:
Friday, October 23, 2009
I'm a mountain that has been moved
Things are kind of insane right now:
Panda's grandfather died this week.
Mama Friedl was diagnosed with breast cancer yesterday.
I screwed up my right wrist in a big bad way doing field work on Sunday.
I'm way behind on my NSF writing, and the proposal is due in two weeks.
Tony wants me to grade 2 exam sections by Monday, which ends up being 360 pages.
Two new experiments starting between now and Christmas.
Probably hanging out in Northwest PA tomorrow night with Panda, Bubba, and Chappy.
Music you should be hearing: Brand New's "Daisy" album, everything from Glee, and Cartel's "Cycles" album. After I wake up and can actually listen to it, the new Atreyu album may join this list.
Nothing else new to report.
Panda's grandfather died this week.
Mama Friedl was diagnosed with breast cancer yesterday.
I screwed up my right wrist in a big bad way doing field work on Sunday.
I'm way behind on my NSF writing, and the proposal is due in two weeks.
Tony wants me to grade 2 exam sections by Monday, which ends up being 360 pages.
Two new experiments starting between now and Christmas.
Probably hanging out in Northwest PA tomorrow night with Panda, Bubba, and Chappy.
Music you should be hearing: Brand New's "Daisy" album, everything from Glee, and Cartel's "Cycles" album. After I wake up and can actually listen to it, the new Atreyu album may join this list.
Nothing else new to report.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
As the telling signs of age rain down
To start, I've deleted my IP (i.e., creeper) tracker for two reasons. First, I'm tired of getting trojan attacks from the hosting site's pop-ups. Second, it's time for a fundamental paradigm shift and doing so involves letting go of my self-interested voyeurism. It's not that I don't care who is reading, rather that I want to stop caring.
To continue, I don't know how to lose inches. I don't need to lose pounds, but my goddamn pants don't fit me because my ass has gotten so big. My track record is for starving and obsessively working out (both of which I have to stop doing), so I don't know how to healthily get into shape. But I am very unhappy with myself right now and it's spilling over into my work life.
I'm having trouble waking up and motivating. Can't figure out precisely why, but part of it might be related to the aforementioned unhappiness. When I'm less unmotivated, since more motivated feels like a stretch at the moment, I'll post something thoughtful about the role of ecologists in society and some other things too most likely. I just get, blah, every time I try to start writing out my thoughts.
Finally got the pumpkin rice pudding to work, and it is phenomenal. In other joy-inducing news, the geraniums Panda bought me over the summer have finally bloomed again! I brought the poor little plant back from the brink of death to multiple blooms...right before frosts begin. :p
Jenise is moving to Texas on Sunday. :(
Two current favorite songs of mine: Savior by Rise Against, which you can hear playing on the page, and Swoon by Imogen Heap which you can listen to right here:
To continue, I don't know how to lose inches. I don't need to lose pounds, but my goddamn pants don't fit me because my ass has gotten so big. My track record is for starving and obsessively working out (both of which I have to stop doing), so I don't know how to healthily get into shape. But I am very unhappy with myself right now and it's spilling over into my work life.
I'm having trouble waking up and motivating. Can't figure out precisely why, but part of it might be related to the aforementioned unhappiness. When I'm less unmotivated, since more motivated feels like a stretch at the moment, I'll post something thoughtful about the role of ecologists in society and some other things too most likely. I just get, blah, every time I try to start writing out my thoughts.
Finally got the pumpkin rice pudding to work, and it is phenomenal. In other joy-inducing news, the geraniums Panda bought me over the summer have finally bloomed again! I brought the poor little plant back from the brink of death to multiple blooms...right before frosts begin. :p
Jenise is moving to Texas on Sunday. :(
Two current favorite songs of mine: Savior by Rise Against, which you can hear playing on the page, and Swoon by Imogen Heap which you can listen to right here:
Sunday, October 11, 2009
First the Earth was flat but it fattened up when we didn't fall off
Well hello internets. It has been a while hasn't it?
If I twittered, the world would know that I am currently eating a ham and cheese sandwich (an actual sandwich, not the euphemistic kind), drinking an organic energy drink (which is surprisingly delicious), listening to various girly music (read: Paramore, Imogen Heap, Gregory and the Hawk, and Glee), and suffering through yet another migraine. All while trying to write a draft of my NSF proposal that for all intents and purposes should have been emailed to Rick hours ago...yesterday.
The world would also know that I have no kitchen counter space because my dishes are almost 4 days overdue for washing. My rice cooker is in a sad sugary state of gross due to a failure of epic proportions to the tune of pumpkin rice pudding (note: don't put milk in the rice cooker...it doesn't work). My lizards are hungry. My salamanders are hungry (or at least Freckles is...god only knows if the other two actually need food at this point).
But I don't twitter, so no one had any idea about all of this!
Once more, grant writing season is upon me, except this year it's a stress of epic proportions. I have completely changed my research direction, and while I have a pretty solid handle on the literature I can't seem to write my ideas into a coherent flow. Once I get that in order I still have to learn enough about the molecular techniques to write up experimental design on mate choice and parasite induction. PLUS I'm going to have to characterize this immunity-related section of the wood frog genome, which is going to be all sorts of stuff I don't understand yet. Oooh boy. I'm all sorts of excited (and so is Maya!) but I have my work cut out for me and then some.
Also, I have salamanders hatching in our animal room so I have to get an experiment going in the next few weeks, AND I have another species coming in at the end of the month. Egads.
On the plus side, TA-ing seems to be going very well based on the first practical exam from last week. Also on the plus side, the boy and I are also doing very well. He's in town for an extended weekend which has been productive and fun...an improvement over the unproductive weekends we've been having. 5 months tomorrow.
In a fit of reconnecting with my inner dork, I busted out my old Clow Cards for some divination fun. I forgot how well I work with them, since I think the last time I did any work with the deck was freshman year of high school, maybe 8th grade? Jen Bailey and I used to play with them way way back in the day with pretty solid accuracy.
I'm sure there's more, but I've run out of steam.
If I twittered, the world would know that I am currently eating a ham and cheese sandwich (an actual sandwich, not the euphemistic kind), drinking an organic energy drink (which is surprisingly delicious), listening to various girly music (read: Paramore, Imogen Heap, Gregory and the Hawk, and Glee), and suffering through yet another migraine. All while trying to write a draft of my NSF proposal that for all intents and purposes should have been emailed to Rick hours ago...yesterday.
The world would also know that I have no kitchen counter space because my dishes are almost 4 days overdue for washing. My rice cooker is in a sad sugary state of gross due to a failure of epic proportions to the tune of pumpkin rice pudding (note: don't put milk in the rice cooker...it doesn't work). My lizards are hungry. My salamanders are hungry (or at least Freckles is...god only knows if the other two actually need food at this point).
But I don't twitter, so no one had any idea about all of this!
Once more, grant writing season is upon me, except this year it's a stress of epic proportions. I have completely changed my research direction, and while I have a pretty solid handle on the literature I can't seem to write my ideas into a coherent flow. Once I get that in order I still have to learn enough about the molecular techniques to write up experimental design on mate choice and parasite induction. PLUS I'm going to have to characterize this immunity-related section of the wood frog genome, which is going to be all sorts of stuff I don't understand yet. Oooh boy. I'm all sorts of excited (and so is Maya!) but I have my work cut out for me and then some.
Also, I have salamanders hatching in our animal room so I have to get an experiment going in the next few weeks, AND I have another species coming in at the end of the month. Egads.
On the plus side, TA-ing seems to be going very well based on the first practical exam from last week. Also on the plus side, the boy and I are also doing very well. He's in town for an extended weekend which has been productive and fun...an improvement over the unproductive weekends we've been having. 5 months tomorrow.
In a fit of reconnecting with my inner dork, I busted out my old Clow Cards for some divination fun. I forgot how well I work with them, since I think the last time I did any work with the deck was freshman year of high school, maybe 8th grade? Jen Bailey and I used to play with them way way back in the day with pretty solid accuracy.
I'm sure there's more, but I've run out of steam.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Change the way you've lived for so long
My hair is strawberry blonde.
I made pineapple curry which was delicious and very quick.
My life is less complicated than I'm used to, and I like it.
This.
Now if I could just manage to navigate the literature (>10,000 papers in 17 years...hot damn), I might start heading somewhere as a grad student/scientist
Also, 2 days until I get to see my boy again. (Shhhhhhh, it's a secret.)
I made pineapple curry which was delicious and very quick.
My life is less complicated than I'm used to, and I like it.
This.
Now if I could just manage to navigate the literature (>10,000 papers in 17 years...hot damn), I might start heading somewhere as a grad student/scientist
Also, 2 days until I get to see my boy again. (Shhhhhhh, it's a secret.)
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
I bust the windows out your car
Twice today I had slow moments, bad enough that I am choosing to blame them on the lack of coffee in my apartment. The following account will serve as a demonstration for just how dumb the situations were:
Peeking at myspace bulletins I saw that Jason Mraz is playing a free show in San Diego, so what should pop to mind? Nanners and I should drive out there for this! Oh wait...I'm in Pennsylvania now. Yikes.
Second time was late this afternoon. Usually I have my nose in a book while waiting for the shuttle to be late, but this week I keep forgetting to grab a new one. Instead I've been listening to podcasts and aimlessly people-watching. *person walking up the street* That's a weird place to wear a watch. Wait, is that a watch? Oh no, it's a bracelet. Wow that looks kinda familiar. Wait, I have seen that before. ... ... ... Oh.
It was like the day of the slowest dawning moments ever. And in spite of that I felt way on point in core course and the lunch meeting with our guest speaker. The whole day I felt a sense of clarity about everything, or at least everything that didn't directly relate to me or my research.
Tomorrow is officially the "What Else Is Heather Interested In (Besides the Rut That Is Predator-Prey Dynamics): Brainstorming Day." Seriously. All day. There is a small stack of papers on maternal effects and ecological effects of climate change I have to finish, and then I think I need to just scour the headlines of some of the major review journals and recent release experimental papers for something of interest. Right now I have a pretty solid series of hypotheses on the plastic dynamics of cannibalism that I will be designing and writing up for our grant module in core course. Unfortunately, once I've answered those questions there's really a sense of 'where can I go from here' associated with the outcome, so I have to come up with a better plan of research for the actual NSF proposal. Now, if I can come up with that between now and the end of the core module, I'll still have a month (almost exactly) to write up a great proposal.
Hopefully.
Aside from the occasional tarot reading I can squeeze in, I have quite a bit of television following happening at the moment. Highly unusual. Quick notes: Glee isn't even a guilty pleasure. I don't feel remotely bad that I watch, and love, the show. (Or that I've been downloading the music.) Also, House is going to be awesome...as per usual. As a final note, Fringe starts back up tomorrow. Hell yes? I think so.
Spending the weekend up at PLE for the department retreat, and my boy is coming home for it too. (Next weekend we're going jewelry shopping for me. Eeep!) What a vastly different, and considerably more fulfilling, place to be in this year compared to last.
Peeking at myspace bulletins I saw that Jason Mraz is playing a free show in San Diego, so what should pop to mind? Nanners and I should drive out there for this! Oh wait...I'm in Pennsylvania now. Yikes.
Second time was late this afternoon. Usually I have my nose in a book while waiting for the shuttle to be late, but this week I keep forgetting to grab a new one. Instead I've been listening to podcasts and aimlessly people-watching. *person walking up the street* That's a weird place to wear a watch. Wait, is that a watch? Oh no, it's a bracelet. Wow that looks kinda familiar. Wait, I have seen that before. ... ... ... Oh.
It was like the day of the slowest dawning moments ever. And in spite of that I felt way on point in core course and the lunch meeting with our guest speaker. The whole day I felt a sense of clarity about everything, or at least everything that didn't directly relate to me or my research.
Tomorrow is officially the "What Else Is Heather Interested In (Besides the Rut That Is Predator-Prey Dynamics): Brainstorming Day." Seriously. All day. There is a small stack of papers on maternal effects and ecological effects of climate change I have to finish, and then I think I need to just scour the headlines of some of the major review journals and recent release experimental papers for something of interest. Right now I have a pretty solid series of hypotheses on the plastic dynamics of cannibalism that I will be designing and writing up for our grant module in core course. Unfortunately, once I've answered those questions there's really a sense of 'where can I go from here' associated with the outcome, so I have to come up with a better plan of research for the actual NSF proposal. Now, if I can come up with that between now and the end of the core module, I'll still have a month (almost exactly) to write up a great proposal.
Hopefully.
Aside from the occasional tarot reading I can squeeze in, I have quite a bit of television following happening at the moment. Highly unusual. Quick notes: Glee isn't even a guilty pleasure. I don't feel remotely bad that I watch, and love, the show. (Or that I've been downloading the music.) Also, House is going to be awesome...as per usual. As a final note, Fringe starts back up tomorrow. Hell yes? I think so.
Spending the weekend up at PLE for the department retreat, and my boy is coming home for it too. (Next weekend we're going jewelry shopping for me. Eeep!) What a vastly different, and considerably more fulfilling, place to be in this year compared to last.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Or the wolf's gonna blow it down
I now have 3 1/2 pounds of fresh-picked blueberries, a sunburn, and 5 days until I see my pandabear again.
Monday, September 7, 2009
I should have known it from the start
Pandabear arrived Friday night bearing flowers. Yesterday his family invited me over for a picnic...which was HUGE and overwhelming and fun. His family is super friendly, and there are a bunch of them too! Haha...His mom sent me home with all sorts of food too, so I'm eating free this week. :D And apparently I'm getting jewelry for my birthday, but we have to make some time to go pick it out. (Not an easy task I might add.) :D
TA-ing went pretty well last week I think. We'll see how it goes this week now that the students have something to learn that isn't how a microscope works. Oy.
I feel things lurking. I've seen creeping in dreams and in cards. It's not welcome.
TA-ing went pretty well last week I think. We'll see how it goes this week now that the students have something to learn that isn't how a microscope works. Oy.
I feel things lurking. I've seen creeping in dreams and in cards. It's not welcome.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Well now I can fend for myself
I was ill at ease all day yesterday, partially from a night of ground teeth and dreams of false sorrow and partially from the pressure of my lack of research directions. Our dissertation committee has to be assembled by September 25th, and I don't even know what I'm researching in order to choose a committee. Evidently they've never given a deadline on this before.
Then today in a fit of being utterly unfocused I went to the Cathedral to read papers in hopes of inspiration. Half a paper and 20 minutes of frantic scribbling later I now have some solid lines of inquiry to follow. Some real ideas to present on Wednesday for our grant writing module, and then to actually (hopefully) follow to see funding. It never fails that if I am completely stuck, a power-hour (or two) of reading in the cathedral's main hall results in minor flashes of brilliance.
I can only hope this inspiration runs deep, because I could really go for a personal victory in my field right now. The complete lack of funding I received after last grant season has shaken my confidence in my abilities as a successful scientist. :|
In better news, my boy is coming into town for the long weekend. Thank goodness for phone calls of increasing length and the promise of a warm bed every 5 or so days. At my most distressed these last few weeks he has been a harbor, a foundation, and a consistent and reliable source of support and love.
Then today in a fit of being utterly unfocused I went to the Cathedral to read papers in hopes of inspiration. Half a paper and 20 minutes of frantic scribbling later I now have some solid lines of inquiry to follow. Some real ideas to present on Wednesday for our grant writing module, and then to actually (hopefully) follow to see funding. It never fails that if I am completely stuck, a power-hour (or two) of reading in the cathedral's main hall results in minor flashes of brilliance.
I can only hope this inspiration runs deep, because I could really go for a personal victory in my field right now. The complete lack of funding I received after last grant season has shaken my confidence in my abilities as a successful scientist. :|
In better news, my boy is coming into town for the long weekend. Thank goodness for phone calls of increasing length and the promise of a warm bed every 5 or so days. At my most distressed these last few weeks he has been a harbor, a foundation, and a consistent and reliable source of support and love.
Monday, August 31, 2009
I've never been this content to be
First day as a second year grad student...
I snoozed for an hour after my alarm went off this morning.
My coffee was cold by the time I got to it.
I missed my bus.
I had a class at 9:30 I forgot about that was going to make me miss a meeting with the prof I'm TA-ing for.
"It's going to be one of those days."
"No it's not, Heather! It'll be great! You remembered your lunch today."
And Hua was absolutely right. I did remember my lunch and it was a great day.
:)
I snoozed for an hour after my alarm went off this morning.
My coffee was cold by the time I got to it.
I missed my bus.
I had a class at 9:30 I forgot about that was going to make me miss a meeting with the prof I'm TA-ing for.
"It's going to be one of those days."
"No it's not, Heather! It'll be great! You remembered your lunch today."
And Hua was absolutely right. I did remember my lunch and it was a great day.
:)
Sunday, August 16, 2009
If my heart was a compass you'd be North
Laura (my new neighbor) is just fantastic! She's a dancer, works for an international performer, is Baha'i, etc. etc. etc. We chatted for quite a while this evening and I really like her.
Some pictures from today:
Some pictures from today:
Raccoon Creek Wetlands trail
Black-Eyed Susans and the, uh...pink flowers...
Phlox paniculata
Vernonia gigantea
Desmodium canadense
Daucus carota
Impatiens capensis
Some pretty butterflies on Cirsium altissimumSpeyeria aphrodite
Ardea herodias
Tamias minimus (I think)
Calopteryx maculata
"It's raining here and I think it's because Pittsburgh knows you're going."
Saturday, August 15, 2009
I'll find repose in new ways
Seeing as it's been almost 2 weeks, I thought it was high time for an update. In no particular order, but beginning with the most recent event, I give you my life in the last two weeks.
I emerged from my cave/bed this morning to discover I have a new neighbor moving into unit #2, a.k.a right next door. Gone is the creepy male night nurse who I only saw twice in the course of a year! Gone is the smell of cigarettes wafting from out of his apartment and into mine! My new neighbor is a nice girl about my age (I think) who wants to have a garden party sometime soon, in the backyard I didn't know we had, with her friends and the other people who live in the building (who I haven't met yet since I'm the only person left from last year I think). She wants to have everyone plant a seed in the back yard once the landlord clears the dead tree...even though she's not much of a gardener. I'm so stoked!
My entire apartment underwent a rearrange. Gone is the former desk of Matt-Bob which was bastardized to fit my room when I moved in here! Gone is the huge, unused, empty spaces in my bedroom and living room! In their place I now have cozier living spaces and a small desk which matches my other furniture.
Pandabear is moving off to VA on Monday morning (boo), which means I'll be in Virginia for the first time next weekend. In fact, the plan is that I'll be spending half my weekends down there, and he'll be here the other half. Or as much as we can stick to that. In the meantime, I have an adventure planned-ish for tomorrow at Raccoon Creek, which should be fantastic!
Mom is coming out to see me next week. We'll be in Pittsburgh for the weekends, and in Astoria, OR for the week. Upside is that I might get to see Matt-Bob and meet his bf while I'm there. Downside is that I'm missing mandatory TA training. Whoops. So much for smart planning in advance. ><
I'm back in Pittsburgh (obviously) and my cats are home too. As are the beardies and the three salamanders. The manders need names...well, the two tiger salamanders do. The little guy from TN is now officially Freckles. I think I'll wait on the other two until they've both finished metamorphosing...which should be by tomorrow. Hehe. Also, Trix has new sand in her cage, so I'm hoping it won't make quite the awful mess the old clay/sand mix did.
There is a cute window box planter in my windowsill with mums and the plant Panda bought me that I can barely keep alive... I'm making an attempt to turn my black thumb greenish, so here's hoping!
The department gave me Vertebrate Morphology for my TA position, which a) rocks my face off, and b) was my first choice. Upsides are that I get to work for Tony, who is just an outstanding prof, and that it's freaking vert morph! :D Downsides are that I can't make it to 1 1/2 of the 3 lectures a week he wants me in attendance at, and it's freaking vert morph! It's going to be a lot of work, and lots of dissections I believe, but I think I will love it.
Saw (500) Days of Summer yesterday. Was overall an outstanding movie. Was a poorly timed decision. Was not the ending I particularly wanted. Was not the ending I particularly didn't want though either. Go see it.
Getting back into my tarot-reading habits as of today. Let me know if you want to be my guinea pig so I can practice. :D
Pictures to come soon, since I prefer those to all text posts.
I emerged from my cave/bed this morning to discover I have a new neighbor moving into unit #2, a.k.a right next door. Gone is the creepy male night nurse who I only saw twice in the course of a year! Gone is the smell of cigarettes wafting from out of his apartment and into mine! My new neighbor is a nice girl about my age (I think) who wants to have a garden party sometime soon, in the backyard I didn't know we had, with her friends and the other people who live in the building (who I haven't met yet since I'm the only person left from last year I think). She wants to have everyone plant a seed in the back yard once the landlord clears the dead tree...even though she's not much of a gardener. I'm so stoked!
My entire apartment underwent a rearrange. Gone is the former desk of Matt-Bob which was bastardized to fit my room when I moved in here! Gone is the huge, unused, empty spaces in my bedroom and living room! In their place I now have cozier living spaces and a small desk which matches my other furniture.
Pandabear is moving off to VA on Monday morning (boo), which means I'll be in Virginia for the first time next weekend. In fact, the plan is that I'll be spending half my weekends down there, and he'll be here the other half. Or as much as we can stick to that. In the meantime, I have an adventure planned-ish for tomorrow at Raccoon Creek, which should be fantastic!
Mom is coming out to see me next week. We'll be in Pittsburgh for the weekends, and in Astoria, OR for the week. Upside is that I might get to see Matt-Bob and meet his bf while I'm there. Downside is that I'm missing mandatory TA training. Whoops. So much for smart planning in advance. ><
I'm back in Pittsburgh (obviously) and my cats are home too. As are the beardies and the three salamanders. The manders need names...well, the two tiger salamanders do. The little guy from TN is now officially Freckles. I think I'll wait on the other two until they've both finished metamorphosing...which should be by tomorrow. Hehe. Also, Trix has new sand in her cage, so I'm hoping it won't make quite the awful mess the old clay/sand mix did.
There is a cute window box planter in my windowsill with mums and the plant Panda bought me that I can barely keep alive... I'm making an attempt to turn my black thumb greenish, so here's hoping!
The department gave me Vertebrate Morphology for my TA position, which a) rocks my face off, and b) was my first choice. Upsides are that I get to work for Tony, who is just an outstanding prof, and that it's freaking vert morph! :D Downsides are that I can't make it to 1 1/2 of the 3 lectures a week he wants me in attendance at, and it's freaking vert morph! It's going to be a lot of work, and lots of dissections I believe, but I think I will love it.
Saw (500) Days of Summer yesterday. Was overall an outstanding movie. Was a poorly timed decision. Was not the ending I particularly wanted. Was not the ending I particularly didn't want though either. Go see it.
Getting back into my tarot-reading habits as of today. Let me know if you want to be my guinea pig so I can practice. :D
Pictures to come soon, since I prefer those to all text posts.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Your dreams are more than worth defending
Some pictures from our trip to the zoo yesterday. :3
Otis.
Otis.
Castor canadensis
Me, Pandabear, and a polar bear
Tibouchina urvilleana
Flamboyant cuddlefish
some turtles and Australian rainbow fish
gar
Kodiak bear
baby elephant
Seconds after an epic bitchslap
And a few that Panda took:
We couldn't find the barn owl
river otter
sea otters
sea dragons
We got to take a picture with an elephant! :D
Trained animals waiting for dinner...
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
It's much too quiet in here
Holy geez I am excited for Glee to start in the fall. New guilty pleasure incoming! :D
Sunday, July 19, 2009
The one that lets her know for sure
Quick update.
1. I enjoy TA-ing, but my job is pretty much minimal. I've been done by 3 everyday and I spend most of the time doing other work. It's sweet. Next year I suspect real TA-ing will be different, you know, when the classes aren't just 3 weeks long.
2. Twinsy got married on Saturday to her lovely fiance. The ceremony was beautiful and so was Kristen with her 6 month baby bump.
3. I hate weddings (even though I love seeing happy people). They go on and on and on, and I swear if I can get away with it I am having the tiniest, shortest wedding ever. Pretty dress, pretty ring, awesome honeymoon, minmal ceremony.
4. I love this boy. He left flowers for me in my bedroom window last night so I would find them when I got back up to PLE this morning. :3
5. I know his ex. I've never known the ex before. She's a sweet girl, and she's friends with a bunch of my friends here. I'm not threatened, just...uncomfortable with knowing what a fantastic person she is. It's almost like I feel as if I need to compete with her memory, even though I'm sure I don't. This is a weird place to be.
6. I'm going skydiving next month with a bunch of lab folks and some friends-of-a-friend from Clarion. It's going to be fantastic! :D
7. Moving back to Pittsburgh in less than a month. I miss my kitties.
That is all.
1. I enjoy TA-ing, but my job is pretty much minimal. I've been done by 3 everyday and I spend most of the time doing other work. It's sweet. Next year I suspect real TA-ing will be different, you know, when the classes aren't just 3 weeks long.
2. Twinsy got married on Saturday to her lovely fiance. The ceremony was beautiful and so was Kristen with her 6 month baby bump.
3. I hate weddings (even though I love seeing happy people). They go on and on and on, and I swear if I can get away with it I am having the tiniest, shortest wedding ever. Pretty dress, pretty ring, awesome honeymoon, minmal ceremony.
4. I love this boy. He left flowers for me in my bedroom window last night so I would find them when I got back up to PLE this morning. :3
5. I know his ex. I've never known the ex before. She's a sweet girl, and she's friends with a bunch of my friends here. I'm not threatened, just...uncomfortable with knowing what a fantastic person she is. It's almost like I feel as if I need to compete with her memory, even though I'm sure I don't. This is a weird place to be.
6. I'm going skydiving next month with a bunch of lab folks and some friends-of-a-friend from Clarion. It's going to be fantastic! :D
7. Moving back to Pittsburgh in less than a month. I miss my kitties.
That is all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
